Monday, 6 February 2012

Grace Laced Monday

I'm having a hot chocolate before bed on a Monday night, and love the idea of 'grace laced Mondays' - or anydays really. It's such a good habit to stop and notice beauty, pause and be thankful, and remember to breeeeeathe. I have 'breathe' written on a chalkboard sticker in the kitchen and typically enough, it's almost obliterated by other notes. Including one by Rans: "Reminder: River is the big one, Willow is the small one, and Silas is the other one". 
I'm afraid to ask myself 'where would I be without him' just in case I realise I'd be in a far saner place and have regrets.

Anyway. This is how I spent last year.

                               Not a bad achievement hey?

But as I reflect on grace, God's grace (my working definition is 'undeserved favour', but really 'grace' is like 'love' - there's a simple definition but ohhh the depth if you start to delve into them), I realise how much I missed last year. I was weak. So weak. Sick and tired doesn't seem to cover it. Feeble and exhausted and overwhelmed and dramatic and lazy and incapacitated. The dramatic and lazy are for when I actually felt okay but played dead. I'm being honest here okay? (pray for my husband)

'Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need'. (Hebrews 4:16)

I could have asked for help. Don't get me wrong, I asked people for help, and my family and friends are a great example of God's provision for me. But this verse makes me realise the significant opportunity I missed.

In 2 Corinthians 12:9, Paul's talking about a problem he had that he wanted God to take away -
'But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.'

Do you see the opportunity I missed last year? I could have spent last year finding grace. Sufficient grace. Learning about how good God is at filling in the gaps. I don't doubt what he can do; when I do ask, I get whatever I need - not always what I have in mind, but always good. Instead, I navel gazed (and it was pretty easy with my belly sticking out and all) and focussed on my troubles.

So - here is the grace I am thankful for tonight. I am learning a lesson. No point in 'what iffing' about last year. I am all about 'next time'. Next time I struggle, there is an opportunity to experience grace - to see what God has for me. Easy or hard, I always come out the other side better with God's grace.

And the other grace? The boys are repeating their years of kinder. I get to do the year again. All the moments I missed last year, I get another chance. I do not take this for granted. I wasted a year (besides making a wonderful baby) and I basically get to do it again. Undeserved blessing.

Grace Laced Mondays


Michelle @ The Willing Cook said...

This is sweet and I appreciate your honesty! I think I like your definition of grace the most that I've seen. That it's kind of like love, but one can't even fathom the depth of it, let alone explain it. Thank you so much for sharing!

N. said...

It's nice to hear your honesty. I feel like that a lot these days. Your baby sure is a sweetie though!

ruth@gracelaced said...

Welcome! And, what a great insight about receiving grace and admitting need. Our Savior provides generously...and sometimes he does so in the desert so that we may know where the plenty truly comes from.

thetoddlerwhisperer said...

Great perspective! I pray your do-over year is filled with unexpected blessings! :)

ruth@gracelaced said...

Nelle-I screwed up on the code for the button. I'm sorry. I changed the code on my post; it's correct now. Sorry for the inconvenience!

Nelle said...

Thanks guys! I'm learning about presenting an honest picture of myself, jars of clay and so forth (but err...if anyone asks, I'm perfect. No? Justified then?)

No worries Ruth, I'll fix it now!

Beth said...

Nelle! Oh, I had no idea you got yourself a little girl! Belated congratulations, friend.

And SUCH a wonderful, truthful, fresh post.

Abby said...

I'm always encouraged by honesty in other women's blogs, much more so than when they paint a beautiful, perfect picture of their lives. Thank you! I'm in my last month of pregnancy now and can definitely relate to being "feeble and exhausted and overwhelmed!" It's hard not to feel like I'm wasting my days because so much time is spent trying to rest and recover from each little task. This post is a great reminder of God's grace and provision even (and especially!) in the feeble and exhausted times.

Blessings to you in this do-over year! :)

ginanorma said...

Don't we ever so need our God!? thanks for sharing your heart!!!

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